Existential crisis

Letter to my friend Mat:

"I am not being myself, Mat. I am not giving my talents to this world. I am truly unhappy at work and I have always been. I feel guilty all the time yet I don't seem to be able to do anything about it. It makes me feel so bad... I think the little depression I just went through may have happened to show me something there. I am tired of wondering what the hell am I on earth to do, to accomplish, I seem not to see it. Lots of noise from my parents' expectations, from my schools' expectations, from the necessity (that I perceive) of being able to provide for myself, and maybe for a family, i.e. make money, etc, and I have not found my true self.

I need to do some serious personal laundry. I need some guidance. Spiritual, or whatever. I need to take a break and find the flow again and go with it. I am not, I am forcing myself, I am resisting (what?), I am suffering.

(…) Right now I feel that I would like to write (I know, who doesn't?) but no, I would really like to write, I know I have a talent for writing, and a passion for it. But never wrote anything else than letters to my friends and emails... (and work stuff) sounds truly laughable, no?

Why does it seem so hard for me to be in touch with my true self? What is it I am holding to that prevents me from seeing the light? Or am I just dysfunctional, insane, antisocial, or inadapted to society?

Any clue?"

Comments

I don't know who you are, but you are me. You are just thoughts on the web for me, no identity, and yet, you are me. I see this was wrote in 2003.... How has life gone for you, because I am at your crossroads, only for years behind.

[Annelene]

I'm doing GREAT! Life has completely accelerated for me, everything has gone really fats in the last few years, I met my partner Kurt, we had a daughter together, Alina, I became a life coach and now have a coaching practice, I am continuing to learn and grow... email me if you want! adecaux@yahoo.com
Joyous travels to you!