On the mountaintop

Last Saturday, I went through what can be called a "mystical experience", i.e. I found myself in an unspeakable, never-explored-before state of consciousness best described as absolute ecstasy coupled with absolute knowledge. I felt I was "sitting on God’s lap" for a few hours. I could see the whole universe and the beginning of times and the end of times and the smallness of my own life in the middle of it, and I was laughing, laughing at it (inside), at all the petty concerns that I had busied my consciousness with so many times: money, resentment, calculating… I was laughing so hard! Useless to say all the answers to my existential questions came to me, and much, much more…

I "came down from the mountaintop" knowing that I would never, after this episode of transcendence, be the same again… that I would from now on dedicate my life to climbing that mountain again, or at least heading resolutely towards the top! It feels like life is starting anew... Here is some significantly toned-down email to my friend Sasha trying to describe "reasonably", i.e. without sounding absolutely insane, the experience and its impact on me:

"I was like thrown into the "other world" seeing "this world", like I threw myself in the dual universe to solve problems that cannot be solved in the original universe. It was truly incredible and I am going to devote some time now to analyze this experience and draw whatever I can from this trip in the dual universe to help me with my trip in this visible universe... (like I understand now that my trip here in the material world is just instrumental to helping with the reality of that world made of energy and thoughts) I don't have the words to talk about these things (I need to learn), and the words I choose may sound tacky to you, but I believe that I am on a similar path that you have been on, wanting to now focus on pursuing my journey there (the spiritual world? or whatever you call it) after what I know was just a peek into that world. I want to be more in touch with that world in my life here, and I know that it is in/around me. (…)

This experience made profound changes in me, it is quite incredible. What I saw was so beautiful that I am back in "this" life with an incredible energy and appetite for life. Any feeling of scarcity of time or other limitation that I generally set for myself is gone. I feel I can accomplish about as much as I desire. (…) I feel I can make an impact, change the world, I feel every time I give energy to the world it goes out in waves and transforms it... it is absolutely incredible. Seeing eternity has given me (i.e. the instance of Being that I am, here and now) an amazing boost of energy to accomplish great things in my "mortal", finite life here, to live every minute like it could be the last, like it truly matters (I could SEE how everything you do matters). Oh my god. So much bliss. Makes me want to study, study, and live, and prolong this bliss into my life... (…) Right now a lot to process and modify! (make the changes truly effective in my life). (…)

A couple of insights I gained from the experience and am bringing into my everyday life:

• Full awareness of what my "sphere of responsibility" (or action) is: what it is I can act upon, what it is I cannot. Double freedom: whatever I say or do is of utmost importance (taking responsibility) / whatever happens to me (health, money, speeding ticket) is of no importance.
• Major side effect: got rid of the heavy burden of being concerned by things I cannot change.
• Corollary: freed up my memory big time! For the first time in years, direct access to lots of old memories. I do not complain from memory loss anymore (I had for a while). Joy of digging into tons of old memories, whenever I want.
• Corollary of the corollary: my life is coherent again. I see the path I created for myself through every mini-decision I've ever made. I see the logic, I understand what I am about, my history. I now have guidance as to what I'll do next. I am whole again (vs. some incoherent sum of moments).
• Other incredible side effect: no more fear. Fear (of everything, especially small things) is gradually receding in my life. Feel so incredibly light and free! (…)
• Clarity... clarity of mind, clarity of purpose. It's LITERALLY like getting out of a very foggy patch.
• I am the "CEO" of every project I undertake or carry out.... indeed...who else?
• I realize the incredible potential for action I have in my little sphere of action... I realize everything I say or do potentially has tremendous consequences. I have gotten rid of all the barriers I had set to myself (money, etc)...

OK - just a couple of things I wanted to share with you (there's much, much more!!). (…) Realizing that we are an instance of the infinite Being bounded by the parameters of our finite living-on-earth... aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"