Kathrin replies to my email where I shared with her that I am depressed, reminding me that I know that this depression is not real, that it is just my thoughts that are doing that to me because I haven't learnt to control them yet. We both start realizing that it is not about knowing wisdom, it is about living the wisdom you know... I reply:
"Food for thought indeed, this knowing-everything-about-delusion-but-still-deluding-myself-like-crazy. I guess it really IS chemical which really questions our handle on these things. Our brain knows, but still derails.
I feel much better today though (although not happy to see people and go to that conference, super low in energy, especially work energy) - yes my work has a lot to do with feeling depressed. Richard's attitude is just the trigger.
But I know, it will make me laugh soon that I depressed over losing him. Like I could laugh now about depressing about losing B. years ago. But see, it's not about losing them that I got depressed, it's about losing very abruptly a very strong emotional connection. It all goes well when it goes smoothly...
Buddhists say: depression is your friend, sadness is your friend, etc – that you LEARN from all these negative states. That the more states you visit, the better you understand yourself/humanity. But you need to keep the attitude of an observer: I see that there is sadness, I see that there is depression. The key is to not get too involved with it. Not easy as far as I can tell".
Comments