Is love accepting the other the way she is, or helping her grow?

Email to Richard:

"The other day, you were telling me that I had told you "either you love me the way I am, or you leave". I protested, telling you that I could not possibly have told you that, because I believe that we are here on earth to grow and learn, and I wanted you to teach me, at the very least, how to love you – e.g. how to not hurt you when I speak.

On the other hand, you often told me, when we were together and even after: "I am like I am, and if you don’t love me the way I am, if I need to change, it means that you don’t love me".

So, do you think one must love and accept people exactly the way they are, or help them become better, enjoy life more, surmount their difficulties, i.e. try to change them? Feels like a contradiction, right, like a paradox…

Well in fact there is a paradox only in appearance. There is only one way to love – and therefore grow others: it is to ACCEPT them EXACTLY the way they are, accept them, welcome them, see in them the miracle of perfection that they are – not seek to change anything – and know that the only way to help someone grow and become more him/herself, open to life, is the skillful deployment of our love, is our always expressed and renewed acceptation of them.

I think it is our ignorance and lack of skills that made us see this as a paradox while, in reality, there isn’t any."