Marco replies to my email about love that, to him, falling in love is experimenting a "temporary collapse of ego boundaries" (I guess he has read Scott Peck!) and that, sooner or later, the feeling goes away. He tells me that the ego is always present, he tells me that life is "fucking difficult", and then he tells me… that he has fallen in love with me! My reply:
"Ego boundaries are GONE for me – I do not need falling in love to catch a glimpse of what it is like. I am everything and everything is me. The experience of falling in love, remember, is nowhere but in your consciousness. It needs not go away after a while once you understand this – that it is a plant that you can garden. If you fail to understand/realize this, then yes it will invariably disappear, as you will be unable to experience the freshness of the situation with the person you first fell in love with, day after day. There is no difference between falling out of love and not being able to see the beauty of the flower that you see everyday anymore, because you have labeled it "flower" and do not let it reveal itself to you. Same with a person you fall in love with. If you manage to avoid transmuting her into objects in your mind, then love – feeling of falling/being in love will bloom, day after day. It is one and the same. I now see the beauty of the flowers everyday, because I take care of my garden now, and the beauty of the moon, and of the birds, and I feel the feeling of love – of being in love – a lot. The bloom of romance fades if you do not understand how your mind works, how everything fades if you do not cultivate it, if you do not freshen up your garden every day. Such is the mind made. For survival. Once you do understand, it will not fade anymore – and you will still survive. The intensity of the color of the flowers does not fade for me anymore. Call it regression if you like – I suppose children see that too. I am proud to have regressed – been able to tear down the thick compartments and stiff ideas in my mind.
What do I mean by ego boundaries are gone for me? What do I mean by ego? Ego is the image of self that one constructs in their thinking mind, making it a solid object, one of the numerous objects in the box. I am this, I am that. Once you go beyond the objects in the box, and start operating from the box itself, you see it for what it is. And you know you are one with everything that is. And you start acting more and more with this knowledge in mind, and your life changes. Before, you identified yourself with your ego, now you don't. You see your features, e.g. tall, cute, French, athletic, smart, female, etc, but these are like tools you can use to do something. These are not you! Everything in this world manifests through the physical world – so of course love will manifest through our bodies – this is why this physical world is designed for: manifesting the unmanifested!!! So of course nothing is egoless, not even love, but at the same time, there is no ego. And this is not a paradox. There are egos, personalities, etc, but these are tools, these are not the real thing. You are not your ego Marco, you have it. You can change it, ignore it, do what you want with it. And no need to borrow from Freud, I do not think he knew about what I am talking about. I do not think he experienced the permanent collapse of ego boundaries.
Life is difficult, realize this and then transcend it: we could not agree more. In my words: first accept the world, and only then can you be of help. No need to make it sound so dramatic with words like "difficult" and "fucking" though. In general actually, once you accept something (a pain, a difficulty, etc), it ceases to be difficult and you start to see clearly how to overcome it. Until you accept it, it will hurt.
You have fallen in love with me and you would want to love a person like me, you say. What I think of this?
- that you will love a person like me, if you so desire, this is a fact;
- that meeting me gave you a glimpse of the collapse of ego boundaries, because this is what shows in my face and in my eyes and in my presence. You call it falling in love. And it is. But what matters is not you and me – what matters is that you are able to experience this glimpse we are talking about. It is the reason I wanted to talk with you. I wanted to show you a glimpse of the collapse of the ego boundaries, because I know there lies the key to happiness, and I could tell you had not experienced this in a while, which is why you felt bored with life. Only, I do not call it falling in love. No matter how you call it, it is beautiful, it makes you feel happy as a child, and I can tell you that you could feel this way all the time if you wanted."
I also tell him, that, in fact, I happen to have myself just fallen in Love with someone…