Alchemy: transform your anger into an engine of learning and growth

A good friend of mine shares with me her anger after a break-up she just went through. Listening to her, I can see myself 1.5 years ago after the break-up I went through then - how angry I was at first, or rather, how much I felt an urge to fix him, to teach him to be a better person. I know that I was liberated and happy again the minute I focused my attention again on my own growth, not his. I write to her:

"Now your job is this: turn your energy inward. Shift your focus 180 degrees, from HIM to YOU. Remember you can change yourself, YOU CANNOT CHANGE others (OR, THE ONLY WAY YOU CHANGE them IS BY CHANGING yourself).

So.
What is it that you can/will do better next time.
What is it that he came to teach you.
What message did he have for you.
What is it that is TRUE in his feedback to you (vs what is it that is NOT TRUE).
Dig in, down, down, down, further down.

This is about YOU, all about you, not about him. He was a mirror for you - and so are ALL people whom we choose to invite in our lives. What aspect of yourself did he come to bring to your attention?

Do this work, focus ALL your attention on this work. This is your work now. Buy a journal and start filling it with the answers to these questions.

It is alchemy we are talking about here: transmute your anger into an engine of learning and growth. (...)

Good luck with all this. Remember Richard and I. It took me 6 months to understand what I just wrote down. Hopefully it will take you less time than it took me :-) !!"

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[Matt]

The mind weeds are supposed to make good fertilizer.