What's In Your Mind?

Make your life practice-centric

I had a conversation with a life coach friend of mine today to discuss how I can best prepare to become a life coach until classes begin in August. His answer: "Whatever your current practices are, deepen them". Also: "Make your life practice-centric". So I put together a plan to deepen the following (i.e. my main) practices:

• Meditation/spirituality: do a round of exploration to find a sangha and spiritual teacher (I've been without any for a while now) to deepen personal practice, sign up for a retreat
• Yoga: do more classes, practice daily at home, sign up for a retreat/workshop, get a private class
• Journaling: deepen that practice, introduce the practice of automatic/intuitive writing, add also more structure (e.g. structured investigation/introspection, structured self-observations, etc)
• Relationship: deepen current practices (e.g. love-making, Thai massage, hiking/biking together, speaking French together), and maybe find new practices to do together (dancing class?).

I will also be looking for some creative practice as I don't really have any, except writing this blog - but, say, something more artistic! I'm thinking of taking singing/chanting classes, finding a voice teacher, etc, as I love singing/chanting.

Fundamental choices

One of the concepts Fritz presents in his book the Path of Least Resistance (see also previous post) is that of primary, secondary, and fundamental choices. Primary choices are choices about major results (i.e. results that are ends in and of themselves), while secondary choices are choices that help you take a step towards your primary result:

"In the creative orientation, once you know your primary choice, whatever secondary choices you need to make in order to achieve the primary choice become clear along the way and easier to make. They become the most obvious course of action to take."

And there lies one of the keys to creating the life you want: when you know where you are going and where you are, creating/manifesting the results you want, becomes, structurally, the "path of least resistance", i.e. the path your life and actions actually follow.

Now, fundamental choices are choices in which you commit yourself to a basic life orientation or a basic state of being. They provide a foundation upon which primary choices and secondary choices rest.

I get inspired to write down my own fundamental choices (the first 3 are directly inspired from the book):

• I choose to be the predominant creative force in my own life
• I choose to be true to myself and others
• I choose to be healthy (body, mind, emotion, spirit), centered, balanced, and strong
• I choose to be a life-long learner of what it is to be human
• I choose to uplift anyone who crosses my path
• I choose to embody in my life the fundamental spiritual truths
• I choose to maximize my impact in this world
• I choose to have at all times a part of myself observe the rest of myself
• I choose to create and sustain harmonious, loving, supporting relationships (especially with my partner and family)
• I choose to be an inspiration to all around me
• I choose to relentlessly work to "bring about heaven on earth".

I realize that taking the Bodhisattva vow pretty much amounts to making these very same (or variations around these) fundamental choices. A Bodhisattva is basically anyone whose primary motivation and work is to help other beings on their quest to self-development. This is exactly what I'm up to!

I also see how the Ten Commandments from the Bible, or the Five Precepts of Buddhism, or for that matter any religious precepts from any religion, are nothing else but fundamental choices, as suggested by spiritual teachers (e.g. Moses, Buddha), that one can make about one's basic life orientations – and which, in fact, one generally makes pretty naturally when one gets in touch with "the life source", the basic unity of All-That-Is: not to kill, not to steal, not to harm others, etc. It is actually quite amazing how human beings through time (and right until now) have relinquished their own basic freedom and "creative orientation" to take these precepts, instead, as external rules that one must respect (the "reactive-responsive orientation"). As soon as you shift to the creative orientation, you understand these "rules" to be not unlike my own list above, i.e. suggestions for fundamental choices you can make about your own life!

My primary choices are clear also. They include: create a thriving practice as a life coach; create a strong, harmonious, joyful, supportive relationship with my Love; build a home and family together, etc.

Alchemy: transform your anger into an engine of learning and growth

A good friend of mine shares with me her anger after a break-up she just went through. Listening to her, I can see myself 1.5 years ago after the break-up I went through then - how angry I was at first, or rather, how much I felt an urge to fix him, to teach him to be a better person. I know that I was liberated and happy again the minute I focused my attention again on my own growth, not his. I write to her:

"Now your job is this: turn your energy inward. Shift your focus 180 degrees, from HIM to YOU. Remember you can change yourself, YOU CANNOT CHANGE others (OR, THE ONLY WAY YOU CHANGE them IS BY CHANGING yourself).

So.
What is it that you can/will do better next time.
What is it that he came to teach you.
What message did he have for you.
What is it that is TRUE in his feedback to you (vs what is it that is NOT TRUE).
Dig in, down, down, down, further down.

This is about YOU, all about you, not about him. He was a mirror for you - and so are ALL people whom we choose to invite in our lives. What aspect of yourself did he come to bring to your attention?

Do this work, focus ALL your attention on this work. This is your work now. Buy a journal and start filling it with the answers to these questions.

It is alchemy we are talking about here: transmute your anger into an engine of learning and growth. (...)

Good luck with all this. Remember Richard and I. It took me 6 months to understand what I just wrote down. Hopefully it will take you less time than it took me :-) !!"

Self-flagellation

Another little gem from Neale Donald Walsch's CWG bulletin (#141). Excerpt from a letter from Neale to Sam:

"Face your shortcomings joyfully, Sam. You can't solve a problem, ANY problem, until you know what it is. Knowing of your "shortcomings" is the first step toward eliminating them. And I want to talk about "shortcomings" here. Consider the possibility that what you call your shortcomings are merely your greatest strengths - with the volume simply turned up a bit too loud. Ever think of that?

A great strength of mine is my confidence. Turned up too much, that can look to some like boastfulness. A great strength of mine is my bravery and courage. Turned up too high that can look to some like recklessness, carelessness. A great strength of mine is my spontaneity, my willingness to move quickly, to act in the moment, decisively. Turned up too high that can look like irresponsibility.

A great teacher of mine once told me, "Everything that people love you for is what people call your shortcoming when it is simply turned up too high. Don't try to change yourself, just turn down the volume on parts of yourself in certain situations. In other situations, let those same parts blast out full volume. Never throw away anything that is "you." Just look to see how much of that is wanted and needed right now, in this moment. Learn to become sensitive to the moment, then give the gift you came to give, in proportion to what serves the moment."

I never forgot that. It stopped me from my until-then constant process of "disowning myself." I reclaimed myself again, reclaimed my own magnificence, and could again share it with others.

Sam, you're magnificent. Cut it out. Stop it. Stop all this self-flagellation and let's get on with it. We've got a world to change."

Yesterday, as I was coaching someone, I "recycled" that metaphor of "turning the volume up/down". I asked him: "What are those qualities/attributes in you that you would like to turn the volume up a little?" He told me that was a very nice, non-threatening, non-judgmental way to address self-improvement - say, as opposed to: "where do you think you are being deficient"? ;-)