What's In Your Mind?

Evolution: the missing piece

Richard suggests that I read a book: The Celestine Prophecy. Intrigued by his insistence, I buy it. The cover says: "a book that comes along once in a lifetime to change lives forever", "the book that will come to define our decade", etc. How dramatic! I have never read a book with such endearing appraisals!

I am a little skeptical of course, but start reading it in earnest, and find the first few chapters a little boring, triggering a distinct "but I already know this!" feeling (i.e. I already know that we are all One, that matter can be construed as energy, that time is what you make of it, etc). But it only makes me more impatient to see what's coming next, so I continue reading eagerly.

And upon reaching Chapter 5, "The message of the mystics", everything changes: I know that I am now hitting a piece that was until now missing in my "we are all One philosophy/worldview", a piece that makes it much more complete, and that makes things that did not fit until now, now fit together. It feels like a light has been turned on where earlier there was darkness and confusion. The missing piece: EVOLUTION! In other words (and this is the first time I look at things that way), my "we are all One" philosophy works also through time and -- consequently -- does not stop at the human family: we are all One Big Thing unfolding through time, from matter to life to animal life to human life…

The other thing is that I realize for the first time in my life that the experience described in the book as a "mystic experience" I have actually HAD! When I was 13, at a summer camp in the mountains, I had an experience of indescribably profound bliss/understanding, but, not knowing how to relate to it in my ordinary life, I had sort of put that experience in parentheses to see if it would re-occur (it never really did) or if I would find tools to interpret it (I never sought, not found any... until... today!) I remember distinctly (how could I forget?) how it felt back then, the incredible feeling of bliss and insight, and the supernatural beauty of nature, and this is pretty much how the experience is described in the book!

Somehow everything is starting to make more sense, I feel much closer to "knowing what's going on" than before I opened the book, I am vibrating with excitement!

Oh NO, NOT religion!

Reading the Celestine Prophecy has made me somewhat restless. I write to my friend Sasha from New York, who I suspect is "on to something": last time we met, he was just back from a week-end with, said he, "a very good teacher", and the week-end seemed to have on him an effect similar to that which this book has just had on me now, so I feel I should give it a shot! I understand that by teacher, he means "teacher of life", "wise man", i.e. someone who could somehow help me understand further "what this is all about". I ask him: "So, who is that teacher you mentioned?"

He sends me an internet link. I click on the link and…. What a shock! I think: "Oh NO, NOT religion! This can’t be!" The link points to Lama Ole Nydhal, a Buddhist teacher from Denmark who has greatly contributed to bringing Tibetan Buddhism into the West, by setting up many buddhist centers there. Never did I suspect that his "teacher" would have had anything to do with religion. Moment of panic. So, is this where the "path" leads to then? Religion…? Is this where it all ends up? I am appalled at what is going on, almost ashamed, wish I had not started seeking….

However, I get over my aversion for anything religious, and decide to give it an honest try, as, after all, I know nothing about Buddhism: I order from Amazon the book from Lama Ole Nydhal that he recommends...

Starting the search for knowledge

Now, apart from my friend Sasha who pointed me to Buddhism, I have no idea who to turn to to discuss "these things": to my knowledge, nobody I know knows anything about it!

I find another ally nonetheless: my new friend Fabienne from work. I share with her my newfound excitement and I can see that she totally relates! She knows nothing about Buddhism; her thing is yoga. I start understanding that this "thing" I am excited about is "spirituality", and that yoga and Buddhism are two "spiritual paths", i.e. methods to probe into the great mystery of life… For now, I am very thirsty for knowledge, i.e. books.

I ask her if she has "spiritual" books to recommend. She recommends Hands of Light from Barbara Ann Brennan, a book about Energy Healing, a subject touched upon in The Celestine Prophecy (so… it really exists!) and Thought Power, a manual from Swami Sivananda, the founder of her school of yoga. I get them both right away. She also invites me to do a yoga retreat with her, and I accept!

As you think, so you become

Thought Power could be renamed: The 1,001 ways to say "As you think, so you become" ;-), but the author’s insistence on that one idea actually gives me an incredible insight about what to do next, how to progress on the spiritual path. I must say that until now, my general feeling was that I was a pretty accomplished individual, having excelled in the educational system and being somewhat of a good athlete, i.e., in my words, having "mastered the intellectual and the physical". So it never occurred to me that anything additional was needed, that there really was any way to grow further.

What I realize is that, the same way I have learnt to master my intellectual capabilities in school, and my physical capabilities through exercise, something I need to gain control of (because I can see that I have very little control over it!) is… my thoughts! i.e. what is going on in my head all the time, the little voice in my head saying "this sucks", "I am bored", "this guy is an idiot", "I’m a loser", "Is love fading away?", etc, as I move through life. I realize that, indeed, most of the time I have no control over what is going on in my head! Shattering realization!

I can feel the trailhead is near

The dialogue started with my friend Sasha continues: I ask him questions about his path. He tells me that the path he is following (the Buddhist path) is 3-fold: the goal: "a state of permanent joy in experiencing the world the way it is", the way: "skillful meditations and other methods that allow us to reach the goal", the structure: "the whole body of teachings, vast and profound". He says: "believe me, life is getting happier and more joyful with each passing day - even when I refuse to believe it." He says that I might want to check out the Diamond Way Buddhist Center in San Francisco.

Hmm... the "spiritual path"... It sounds appealing, but what does it really mean for me? I can hardly picture myself meditating every day... How long will it take to get there, even if I start practicing meditation now? 7 years, 12 years? What he says is exciting, but the task of "spiritual growth" seems daunting, somehow reserved to an elite of people with out-of-this-world strong will power...

Also, I feel that I cannot wait that long! My restlessness is reaching an all-time high, and I decide to throw all my pressing existential questions on a carefully crafted email that I send him, hoping to get an answer:

"Tell me what really matters to you
Tell me what you consider important
Tell me if there is a goal besides experiencing the joy in experiencing the world the way it is - or if this IS the goal
Tell me if there is an "evolutionary" goal (bringing the Universe to some place it IS NOT yet - did you catch a glimpse of where?) and if you know what the role of Humanity in this evolutionary goal is - and what your role is
Tell me if I should look for my role in this goal (looks like your answer might be no there isn't any, or it is not our prerogative to take any role in this)
Then tell me what use you (will) do of the energy of the Universe that you are generating/holding
Tell me what the humanistic perspective of the teachings is
Tell me what the infinite potential you are talking about is
And how does it unfold through you?
And how does it unfold through me?
And how does it unfold through Humanity?

I quite agree that difficulties, confusion, mal de vivre etc are an energy booster, that they are my friends, and I welcome them as such (see, it makes me reach out and push doors open!). I accept it all, I accept all that has befallen to me since I was born - my family, my experiences, my health, my finiteness, my petty achievements, etc. I see I am a tiny part of the big Whole, and that you are me and I am you because there is only one thing.

I want to know what to DO with all this, all this endowment + past path of mine, what the piece of the Universe that I am is supposed to bring back to the Whole. I suppose with peace of mind and more rigorous learning I will find out. I was curious to know if you have. I will be restless until I do. It is very GOOD to hear about your path.

Thank you so much for sharing with me. I am looking forward to following the joyful path of learning and finding things out!

I will first read Lama Ole’s book and then go to the Diamond Way center in San Francisco. I am also starting to explore yoga more seriously (encountered Sivananda yoga, a quite "holistic" school of yoga, if you've heard of it, at the very least the breathing and asanas are doing wonders with my marathon training!)

At least I am on the move again, I can feel the trailhead is near...!"

The Way Things Are

I receive that Buddhist book The Way Things Are and start reading it. What a surprise! It does not feel "religious" at all (from my early memories of Catholicism). On the contrary, it reads like a guide on how to live a more harmonious, more joyous life! Pretty much everything sounds reasonable, and, in fact, it spells out my personal secret wisdom (e.g. "we are all One", what you see is what you are, etc) but goes much further and deeper.

I am quite stunned that what is written in this book resonates so easily with me while I HAVE NEVER HAD ACCESS TO SUCH KNOWLEDGE (despite pretty extensive schooling)!! But it maybe that, if you had told me a year ago to read a Buddhist book, I would have yawned... I start wondering why these kinds of things are not taught in school, or by our parents, and start realizing that there must be a vast expanse of such knowledge already written that I have not accessed yet...

On the mountaintop

Last Saturday, I went through what can be called a "mystical experience", i.e. I found myself in an unspeakable, never-explored-before state of consciousness best described as absolute ecstasy coupled with absolute knowledge. I felt I was "sitting on God’s lap" for a few hours. I could see the whole universe and the beginning of times and the end of times and the smallness of my own life in the middle of it, and I was laughing, laughing at it (inside), at all the petty concerns that I had busied my consciousness with so many times: money, resentment, calculating… I was laughing so hard! Useless to say all the answers to my existential questions came to me, and much, much more…

I "came down from the mountaintop" knowing that I would never, after this episode of transcendence, be the same again… that I would from now on dedicate my life to climbing that mountain again, or at least heading resolutely towards the top! It feels like life is starting anew... Here is some significantly toned-down email to my friend Sasha trying to describe "reasonably", i.e. without sounding absolutely insane, the experience and its impact on me:

"I was like thrown into the "other world" seeing "this world", like I threw myself in the dual universe to solve problems that cannot be solved in the original universe. It was truly incredible and I am going to devote some time now to analyze this experience and draw whatever I can from this trip in the dual universe to help me with my trip in this visible universe... (like I understand now that my trip here in the material world is just instrumental to helping with the reality of that world made of energy and thoughts) I don't have the words to talk about these things (I need to learn), and the words I choose may sound tacky to you, but I believe that I am on a similar path that you have been on, wanting to now focus on pursuing my journey there (the spiritual world? or whatever you call it) after what I know was just a peek into that world. I want to be more in touch with that world in my life here, and I know that it is in/around me. (…)

This experience made profound changes in me, it is quite incredible. What I saw was so beautiful that I am back in "this" life with an incredible energy and appetite for life. Any feeling of scarcity of time or other limitation that I generally set for myself is gone. I feel I can accomplish about as much as I desire. (…) I feel I can make an impact, change the world, I feel every time I give energy to the world it goes out in waves and transforms it... it is absolutely incredible. Seeing eternity has given me (i.e. the instance of Being that I am, here and now) an amazing boost of energy to accomplish great things in my "mortal", finite life here, to live every minute like it could be the last, like it truly matters (I could SEE how everything you do matters). Oh my god. So much bliss. Makes me want to study, study, and live, and prolong this bliss into my life... (…) Right now a lot to process and modify! (make the changes truly effective in my life). (…)

A couple of insights I gained from the experience and am bringing into my everyday life:

• Full awareness of what my "sphere of responsibility" (or action) is: what it is I can act upon, what it is I cannot. Double freedom: whatever I say or do is of utmost importance (taking responsibility) / whatever happens to me (health, money, speeding ticket) is of no importance.
• Major side effect: got rid of the heavy burden of being concerned by things I cannot change.
• Corollary: freed up my memory big time! For the first time in years, direct access to lots of old memories. I do not complain from memory loss anymore (I had for a while). Joy of digging into tons of old memories, whenever I want.
• Corollary of the corollary: my life is coherent again. I see the path I created for myself through every mini-decision I've ever made. I see the logic, I understand what I am about, my history. I now have guidance as to what I'll do next. I am whole again (vs. some incoherent sum of moments).
• Other incredible side effect: no more fear. Fear (of everything, especially small things) is gradually receding in my life. Feel so incredibly light and free! (…)
• Clarity... clarity of mind, clarity of purpose. It's LITERALLY like getting out of a very foggy patch.
• I am the "CEO" of every project I undertake or carry out.... indeed...who else?
• I realize the incredible potential for action I have in my little sphere of action... I realize everything I say or do potentially has tremendous consequences. I have gotten rid of all the barriers I had set to myself (money, etc)...

OK - just a couple of things I wanted to share with you (there's much, much more!!). (…) Realizing that we are an instance of the infinite Being bounded by the parameters of our finite living-on-earth... aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

An infinite ocean of freedom and possibilities

A couple of days ago, I sent an email to my cousin Francois back in Paris, to share with him the incredible experience I just had. His response has an interesting Orwellian slant to it: progress and industry are evil, man has subdued to machines and order, nothing is sacred anymore, violence is our only way forward (to tear down materialism, consumerism and capitalism). He says: "how could you think of your after-death when all is matter, that you mold according to your desires?" He concludes though: "what we need [to solve the global warming problem, etc] is to believe in it, what we need is more sacredness". I continue with my "just back from the mountaintop" style:

"I don’t understand all of what you say. I do not understand violence. My thirst for the absolute is naturally quenched in my spiritual life (I am just at the beginning of the trail but I clearly see the light).

As I said, there are two "dual" worlds: the material/mortal world, and the spiritual/infinite world. In the former we take the form of separate individuals, in the latter we are a collective consciousness. The two worlds are dual, i.e. they are just two ways to look at the same thing – one is not more valid than the other one as they are one. But some problems you cannot solve in one you can go solve in the other one (like in mathematics), hence the handiness of having access to both. I think this is what the Buddhists are after (as well as other yogis and religious people). This is what I am after now. Life "here" is not of much interest if one does not understand life "there" (as we have this unquenched thirst) and I think that life "there" is not of great interest without life "here" in the material world: it actually explains why and how much every little thing "here" so profoundly matters. Each one of these "worlds" gives meaning to the "other". What peace one feels in this world when one is familiar with that world! And how everything, all of a sudden, makes sense! It’s as if life was finally taking on depth, meaning, colors. Huge.

There is no after-my-death: there is the mortal/temporal world in which I exist for a finite time (70 years?) and the spiritual/infinite world in which I’ve always existed and will always exist, as part of the "big all", of the timeless and infinite consciousness. I don’t have the words yet – actually what I want is learn to express all this in a way that people who are not familiar with that world can understand, i.e. using words from this world. I’d like to start by helping people ask the right questions.

Now I know there is an answer. I live much better since :-). It eliminates fear, gives courage. I feel I do not fear anything anymore (why fear?), I am learning to detach from things that seemed so important. Immense joy!

I try to avoid words like "moral", "sacred", "values". These words have no meaning for me – they lead to discord. These things are extremely subjective, i.e. they don’t correspond to the reality that I perceive that we are all one and the same thing…

Global warming is no drama – the same way having a cancer is no drama. The solar system, the earth, humans: all that is material is mortal. We accept this. Now we feel that it is good to have a longer life and we aim for this. In the same way, humanity is slowly awakening and will take care of the problem of atmospheric emissions… the collective survival instinct. I am not worried, in fact (given that the earth will disappear, like we and our children will). I sense a duty for me to contribute to raise people’s awareness about that problem. I love that problem because it is so vast, so global. It is a good topic to engage and make people thing about the cause and effect concept, etc. Everything is cause and effect.   

True, you have to believe in it. Every negative thought turns into negative action (or lack of action). Negative thought serve no purpose. EVER. If you believe in something, in general, that thing gets realized. If we believe strongly enough that we will stabilize the climate, we will manage. This is how it works. This is how EVERYTHING works. One must learn to master one’s own thoughts. Like one masters one’s body or one’s reasoning faculties. This is what I’m striving to do now. It is fascinating learning! It opens an infinite ocean of freedom and possibilities."

Can't you see the fantastic evolution of Life?

Francois replies to my exalted email. First, he says that what he calls sacred is what I call spiritual, so, says he, we are talking about the same thing here. Then, he goes on to say that I perceive what I perceive (i.e. that we are all one) only because I am white and rich. That, if I were poor and black, I wouldn’t, I just couldn’t perceive that. He goes on to say that, when humanity’s survival instinct wakes up (like I suggested in my email to him), it generally does so in violence (in the good French tradition, he envisions a revolution that will put an end to the materialistic/consumerist world). My reply:

"Yes, I know that you and I are talking about the same thing, when you say "sacred" and I say "spiritual", but beware of the word "sacred" as it carries some connotations that may not correspond to what you are trying to say (e.g. religious, dark ages, etc). I am studying also to acquire a good vocabulary and stay away from shaky concepts.

I think that material progress does not drive a recession of Spirit, but rather the opposite. I would not have such an intense spiritual life if I had to constantly worry about my next meal, or about such and such infection that wouldn’t heal if I didn’t have health care. Or, simply, if I did not have money to take off to nature and enjoy a "mystical experience"!

I do not see anything of what you describe. In fact, it is in you, it is you who conveys these ideas, this pessimistic worldview. You could as well have an optimistic discourse, and look at the positive. Why don’t you do it? Why don’t you try to identify the areas where YOU can take action? What is the point of manipulating big words, big concepts (e.g. "the receding of democracy"), if they don’t empower you to act? The receding of hope and the rising of cynicism, these I can see in your email – and not really elsewhere. You do NOT have faith (you think that everything is getting worse than it used to be), you do not see the fantastic evolution of living energy, of this collective consciousness I was telling you about – how can you act without this faith?

Why does material progress bother you? It frees, it alleviates suffering, it brings us closer to the spiritual – this is how I see it. Like everything else, it is what you want to make of it. Why always protesting, resisting, refusing what IS? This is the lesson of Buddhism: accept the world the way it is, the first step towards "enlightenment". The way things are. It serves no purpose to constantly reject what IS. You cannot move forward. One day, you will realize how much time you lost by not accepting the world the way it is. This is a premise to action.

Once again, this despair you talk about, you carry it in you. Probably it has been imputed to you, but you carry it in you. I don’t. (…) Every human being (including the poor and the blacks), has in herself the capacity to understand that other people’s judgments have no value. The "caste-system" view you portray, I don’t have it, I don’t carry it in me. It is not because I am white and not poor. It is because I am in touch with this collective consciousness – I am strong inside, and I know that you and I and whoever are instances of the same thing, that we are one. I do not struggle against others. Once again, don’t project onto others (e.g. black, or poor people) your personal battles. They probably don’t apply, the same way as, when you were telling me that developing countries don’t want greenhouse gas emissions trading, it was, simply, incorrect. I have friends of all colors and of all means: none of them seems to see the world the way you see it. (…) My friends of color accept the world the way it is – i.e. that, if they happen to belong to what is perceived as a "minority", here or there, at some point in time, they might need to deploy an extra effort to be acknowledged by the majority (…). One must play with the cards that are in their hands, in this instance of life on earth. One, simply, does not have a choice in the matter.

No, that we are all one is not a perception (lots of things are a perception, such as the color of my skin), it is the reality. The basis, in other words.

Don’t you have metaphysical questions? Who am I, why am I, etc? Not me. Not anymore. And I’m not the only one! I am meeting more and more people who feel the same way. Everyday, I discover a bit more of the joy of living in this world during the few years that we are to live in it… I marvel at it a little more every day."

Is life less spiritual than it used to be?

Continuing our email dialogue, Francois now tells me how life was more spiritual in the past, citing a book he read on traditional people – how the very act of hunting for food was "spiritual" for them, and how, in addition, they did other "spiritual" activities like painting, etc (while all we do now is spend all our time seeking to accumulate money).

"Food is not the only thing! Our traditional friends don’t have physicians, nor do they have vacation, possibility to travel, to study, etc. I imagine that they can’t read (no teachers).

Hmm.

Spirit is present in every act of your life IF YOU SO DESIRE. It is a matter of personal choice. Spirit is present in every act of my life now. Except that my life is not about fishing, but about managing research programs on Climate Change.

I don’t see what makes you think that their life is more spiritual than mine, for example. It is a judgment that you make (of them and of me, or of your contemporaries) – by projecting your personal fantasy of a life close to nature, etc.

It is up to each one of us to make every act a spiritual act. It is the choice I’m making now. And my life has acquired since I’ve made this choice an extraordinary intensity. Also, I have not spent a single minute of my life seeking to accumulate money – and I know that the chicken that I eat has been alive. I actually now eat as little meat as possible. Also, I chant, I contemplate nature, I read, I do yoga, I meditate.

My life is very "spiritual". At the same time, I gladly benefit from the material progress that my fellow men have set in motion to give me a better life (longer life span, more leisure time, less pain, etc).

You? Is your life not as spiritual as you would like?"